✦ Our Story ✦
About the Club
Established 2026. Already Exhausted.
Walnut Knolls Country Club was founded on the belief that certain people deserve a place to be among other certain people, away from the general public and its many inconveniences. That belief remains the cornerstone of everything we do.
Origins
A Brief History
Abridged for Everyone's Benefit
The Vision
Reginald Ashworth III, while waiting an unacceptable amount of time for a table at a restaurant he considered beneath him, conceived of a place where waiting would not be necessary — or at least where the waiting would be done in more comfortable chairs. He sketched the initial concept on a cocktail napkin, which has since been framed and hangs in the lobby, though no one can read it.
The Groundbreaking
After fourteen months of permitting, two rounds of environmental review, and one strongly worded letter from a neighboring property owner named Gerald (no relation to the caddie), construction began on the Walnut Knolls site. The groundbreaking ceremony was attended by eleven people, three of whom were contractors and one of whom wandered in from the adjacent property.
Grand Opening
Walnut Knolls Country Club officially opened its doors on March 14th, 2026, to a membership of 127 founding members, each of whom paid a founding fee that the Board has declined to disclose. The opening gala was catered, well-attended, and described in the local paper as 'an event that occurred.' We consider this a success.
The Present Day
The Club continues to operate at a standard the Board characterizes as 'consistent.' Membership has neither grown nor shrunk appreciably, which the Membership Committee attributes to 'selectivity' and which the Finance Committee attributes to 'other factors.' Both committees have agreed not to discuss the matter further.
Purpose
Our Mission
"To provide a refined environment for discerning individuals who value exclusivity, tradition, and the quiet comfort of knowing that not everyone is allowed in."
Exclusivity
We believe some things are better when fewer people have access to them. This is one of those things.
Tradition
We honor the traditions of the Club, several of which were invented in 2026 and are already considered inviolable.
Discretion
What happens at Walnut Knolls stays at Walnut Knolls. This is not a legal guarantee. It is a social expectation.
Excellence
We pursue excellence in all things, which we define as 'a standard meaningfully above adequate.' We are making progress.
Leadership
The Board of Directors
They Run Things. Mostly.
Reginald Ashworth III
Club President & Founder
Reginald founded Walnut Knolls after a series of experiences he describes only as 'the final straw.' He serves as Club President, a role he designed himself and for which he is the only candidate. He plays golf with a handicap he prefers not to discuss and has strong opinions about the dining room's bread service.
Tenure: 2026 – Present
Constance Fairweather-Holt
Vice President, Membership
Constance chairs the Membership Committee and takes her responsibilities extremely seriously. She has reviewed 214 applications and approved 127 of them, all of whom were founding members. She has reviewed 87 subsequent applications and approved none. She considers this a record to be proud of.
Tenure: 2026 – Present
Bradford Whitmore
Treasurer
Bradford manages the Club's finances with a precision he describes as 'meticulous' and others describe as 'opaque.' He produces a quarterly financial summary that is distributed to the Board and immediately classified. He drives a car that costs more than the fitness center renovation and has never mentioned this.
Tenure: 2026 – Present
Diane Pemberton-Cross
Secretary & Events Chair
Diane coordinates all Club events, maintains the official minutes, and is the only Board member who responds to emails. She has sent 1,847 emails since the Club's founding and received 312 replies, which she considers 'a reasonable response rate given the membership.' She is also responsible for the newsletter, which no one can unsubscribe from.
Tenure: 2026 – Present
Montgomery 'Monty' Alcott
Director of Facilities
Monty oversees the Club's physical facilities and is responsible for all maintenance decisions. He is aware of the hot tub situation. He is aware of the elliptical. He is aware of Court 1. He is working on it. He asks that members refrain from raising these matters at the quarterly meeting, as they are already on the agenda.
Tenure: 2026 – Present
A Word from the President
"Walnut Knolls is more than a club. It is a statement. A statement that says: we have arrived, we have standards, and we have a parking lot. Not everyone can say that. In fact, most people cannot. That is rather the point."
— Reginald Ashworth III, Club President